1959 Pinocchio Timex Blues

For this song, I recorded the drums, guitars and bass normally then before recording the lead vocal I sped the tape speed up so I had to sing it in a higher key. Then when I slowed the tape to the normal speed where the guitars and instruments sound just right, the vocal track now sounded a tad slow and lazy. Perfect for this song!

1959 PINOCCHIO TIMEX BLUES

Written: Alpine Street, Huntsville AL, fall 1968

Knees was in his second army year at Redstone Arsenal Alabama and living off-base with Dick O’Murphley and Ron Cramer. He and Peter Blue, another army buddy, would play some blues on guitar and harmonica and this was one of them. Knees was inspired by Bob Dylan’s Blonde on Blonde album and liked the idea of mentioning brand names in a song. He was very proud of the Twistaflex line. In 2002 Jim Weiler was so inspired by this song he wrote the very first SongBook: The 1966 Chevy Nova Blues. In the early 2000s I put it to music it and you'll hear it later on.

I dropped seven pennies onna sidewalk

Reachin in my pocket for a dime

I guess I don’t get no hotdog

But at least I got the time.

Some little bastid ran away with all my pennies

Practicin for a life of crime

Now I definitely don’t get no hotdog

But at least I got the time.

Cuz I got me a 1959 Pinocchio Timex

I wear it around the upper portion of my leg,

It would cut off my blood flow

But I ain’t got none

From the knee on down I just got a peg.

Now I know you got some questions

Like how come I don’t wear it on my wrist?

Y’see my Twistaflex’s got six inches

An I just got a five inch fist

So why not on my ankle?

Good question I must admit

But y’see I’m kinda myopic

An I can’t see my ankle for shit.

The Organ

Saturday Baby

Knees always wanted to be able to sing falsetto and here was his chance. He even slowed down the playback when he recorded the vocals so that they were sped up in the final mix, giving it that Chipmunks sound.

SATURDAY BABY

 

Written: Fort Bliss TX, fall 1967

Obviously a ripoff of Frank Zappa’s Ruben and the Jets’ style, this tune grew out of late night jam sessions in the stairwells at the barracks, where the reverb was inspiring – and forgiving. It was the doo-wop song for the five or six guys with guitars and other noise makers who would gather there. The annoying falsetto wasn’t part of it back in the army days; it only was added in the early 90s when Knees recorded this classic ballad.

I think of you baby every night,

I want to hold you an kiss you tight

Saturday Baby won’t you please be mine?

You are the toughest broad I know,

Whenever you touch me my juices flow

Saturday Baby won’t you please be mine?

Saturday night we met at the dance

You looked at me an at my chartreuse pants

Then all at once it was romance,

Oh baby please give me a chance.

Castle Duck

Hot Potato #1

A question I often ask myself is: Why don't I re-record these songs on the new equipment instead of using the new equipment to clean up and enhance the old recordings made in 1993, just six years after I stopped playing guitar for a living? And the answer is: Because in 1993 I still had a voice and could actually remember and play the songs I wrote back in the 60s and 70s. Recently I tried to figure out what chords I was playing in this song and couldn't. And I even have some software (called Band in a Box) that claims to be able to figure out the chords of a song. It does a lousy job -- at least on this song. Most of my old songs I still remember the chords to, but this one was a tad more difficult. It's those jazzy chords.
But once this project is done I hope to re-record some of the songs from scratch using drum samples instead of synthesized drums and featuring my acoustic guitar, which I didn't have back in 1993. I also have a better keyboard. If only my voice hadn't turned into a horrible croak after 25 years of rarely using my outside voice.

HOT POTATO #1

 

Written: Monterey Street, Farmington NM, spring 1967

Knees was living at home fending off the draft (unsuccessfully) and the other guitar player in The Disciples, Mo Moses, was living there too. Mo liked to play smooth, jazzy chords and this was Knees’ stab at using them. The title is a pastiche of the Flying Burrito Brothers’ Hot Burrito #1, which was also a slow song with smooth chords.

Baby I’ve left your world behind,

I never wanted to be blind

But you made me feel

Like I was lost in the maze of your mind.

And baby the hold you had on me

Was too real for our love to be

The kind of love

That I could grasp and still be free.

And I hope that you will find

The way to peace of mind

In that world you made so unconsciously

But I doubt you’ll ever see

What love can mean when free

The world now turns for me.

Hexflower

Gimme a Chance

Another dated tune from Knees. 1966 was such a great year to be alive and playing guitar, it invited songs that sounded like this. Other than this recording, the song was never played anywhere by anyone.

GIMME A CHANCE

 

 Written: Monterey Street, Farmington NM, spring 1966

   

Obviously a blatant ripoff of Bob Dylan’s Like a Rolling Stone, Knees amazed himself by coming up with so many rhymes. It started out as a guitar folksong but ended up as a keyboard tune.

 

It takes less than a week

To learn how to speak

So doncha feel cheap

For interruptin my sleep

When you knew I would help you

To get back on your feet

Oh gimme a chance.

 

You said your life was real

But you never had a thrill

That didn’t make you ill

Or crave another pill

When you knew I would help you

An you know I always will

Oh gimme a chance.

 

You made all kinds of deals

With tramps an their spiels

But you missed a lot of meals

While chasin your bootheels

When you know I would help you

Cuz I know how it feels

Oh gimme a chance.

 

There once was a time

When I wouldn’t lend you a dime

But the change is not mine

An neither is the bind

When you know I would help you

If you don’t act too fine

Oh gimme a chance.

 

When you were on your own

An your mind was blown

But you didn’t ask for a loan

So your little pride was shown

When you knew I would help you

Aw you must have known

Oh gimme a chance.

 

I’ve taken it all while you were havin a ball

You were feelin so tall

But you were due for a fall

When you knew I would help you

But you didn’t give a call

Oh gimme a chance.

Bugblat

Nothin You Can Say

Did you know that some of Knees' songs were used in a film? Back in 2003 or so we published MUDDLED MIND, a book about Ed Wood by David Hayes. David mentioned that he was making a film called BACKWOODS and as yet it didn't have any music in it. I sent him a CD with the old MP3s on it and a few months later I received a DVD of BACKWOODS by Dead Alive Productions. Sure enough, most of the musical background was taken from the CD and "Knees Calhoun" was listed in the credits as providing five songs.

Nothing You Can Say was used during the tent-erecting scene in the David Hayes slasher film, Backwoods, which, according to NetFlix, is the third worst black comedy of all time. David has not been idle since his Backwoods glory days. Google him and you'll be overwhelmed with his works. Unfortunately the movie is no longer available at NetFlix. The reviews are incredibly negative. In my opinion everyone ought to see BACKWOODS before they die.

I re-recorded this song in 2013 and the new version follows the lyrics. Is it improved? Meh. I hardly changed it.

NOTHIN YOU CAN SAY

 (The 1993 Version)

Written: Monterey Street, Farmington NM, spring 1966

 

Actually, a good musician friend of Knees’, Mo Moses, wrote most of this song, including the killer guitar lick. Mo was apparently inspired by the Kinks’ early songs like You Really Got Me and All Day and All of the Night. Mo died a few years back and I heard that he was still making music in Los Alamos when he died. I hope he heard this recording at one time or other. Don't wait until your friends die to think about such things.

You better watch out you better get outa town

If I catch you girl I’m gonna put you down

There ain’t no use in you hangin around

I know all about the new love you found

Oh no

 

Nothin you can say can stop me now,

I’m gonna make you sad somehow.

Nothin you can say can stop me now,

I’m gonna make you sad somehow

Oh no, oh no.

You’ve been sayin that he treats you right

But I gave you lovin both day an night

One of these days you’re gonna see the light

You plead don’t hurt me but I just might

Oh no.

NOTHIN YOU CAN SAY

 (The 2013 Version)

X Figures

Lysergic Song, Definitely

We finally make it to the great year of 1966 when Knees goes on the road with a C&W band to Greeley CO and then rides the Greyhound to Hollywood to make his fortune -- and get stoned. He lasted about a month in paradise then scuttled back to Farmington and the inevitable draft.

LYSERGIC SONG, DEFINITELY

 

Written: Gilmore Street, North Hollywood CA, 1966

Knees was staying with Barry D. and his band buddy Norm in North Hollywood when they put this song together. Norm wrote the chorus and they used to sing it in three-part harmony in the bathroom (for the reverb) after toking up in the closet. Knees was quite proud of his many psychedelic references and the backwards guitar solo, which was recorded in 1993.

I met you on a ship

Cosmic laughter made you trip

An excuse a seasoned witch never buys

Thought a girl like you would know,

Lyin’s very proud to show

That it’s visible to turned on acid eyes.

You filtered out my soul

Left no directions how to hold

Perception’s golden revolving doors

I’m offering all I touch

On the altar of too much

The high priestess says she wants much more.

Weave a tapestry of truth

Teaching love to keep its youth

Forgetting all the paths of its frustrations.

Blind man saw me today,

Took a look an walked away

I got a feelin you’re tearin down my mind

You got me breathin cellophane,

Watchin shadows made of rain

You want me seein words that say I’m blind.

It Wasn't Simple Livin' With Her

Not much can be said about this tune. It's only a southwestern song.

In case you were wondering what those little designs under the lyrics were, they're what I call "Meeting Doodles". In 1987 at the age of 40 I got my first day job as managing editor of LOADSTAR, a magazine (on disk) for Commodore computer users. It was one of several magazines at Softdisk, the parent company, and for the first time in my life I experienced a "business meeting". The first two or three were fascinating, but by meeting #5 the thrill was gone and I was nodding off regularly. Then I discovered doodling. It kept me awake and since anything anyone else said at the meeting had no relevance for me I could tune it out and groove into Doodleland for the duration.

In the mid-90s the Apple guy at Softdisk, Jim Weiler, turned the doodles into GIFs and now I paste them around like smiley faces. Weiler gave them their names.

IT WASN’T SIMPLE

 

Written: White Rocks Dorm, NMSU, Las Cruces NM, 1965

This was inspired by an obscure Bob Dylan song called If You Gotta Go, Go Now. It wasn’t about anyone Knees knew – in 1965 he hadn’t had any experience with living with anyone but his family. He had forgotten all about it until the early 90s when he found a copy of the lyrics. The chords were written in 65; the guitar parts in the 90s.

She didn’t try to see me through,

She thought I oughta change my view

It wasn’t simple livin with her.

She didn’t try to connect at all

She kept the bed away from the wall

No it wasn’t simple livin with her.

But my days with her were good for me,

Not only fun but reality

Now fun is cheap but not as real,

Only she can change the way I feel.

She had a way of holdin back

She said our minds were on different tracks

It wasn’t simple livin with her.

She blew her mind when things got rough

She held me down but not enough

No it wasn’t simple livin with her.

But my days with her were right for me,

Better than they had a right to be

Her leavin me I took in stride,

Now all I got is my pride.

Sad Cypress

Box Lunch

Not that anyone was wondering but here is how the songs were recorded. The drum track went on first often accompanied by the bass on track 2, then a rhythm instrument (guitar or keyboard) on track 3. Then those 3 tracks were mixed onto track 4. That means I can't change the relative volume of the drums, bass and rhythm. If one gets louder, they all get louder.

Then I recorded the vocals, harmonies and guitar solos on the three tracks that were free to be recorded over. If I had to, I mixed tracks 1 and 2 onto track 3, and that left 1 and 2 to record over. If only I had had an 8-track recorder back in 1993 when I recorded all these songs, I could have had each individual instrument separate -- and could get rid of the more obnoxious ones.

BOX LUNCH

 

Written: NMSU, Las Cruces NM, fall 1965

 

One day in the mid 70s Dwight pulled out his wallet and said, “Knees, I got something here you wrote.” It was the lyrics to a song that Knees had written in history class at NMSU in the fall of 1965. Knees had forgotten all about it. Luckily (or not) Dwight had kept it in his wallet all that time.

 

I got hairs in my teeth an blood in my mouth

It’s easy to tell I’ve been down south

Some like to screw an some dry hunch

But I’ll always take a juicy box lunch.

 

When a napkin is handy an the ketchup is flowin

You ask your baby if she might try blowin

She’s chewin your cookies

An you’re startin to munch

There ain’t nothin better than a juicy box lunch.

 

You’re down at the Y an she’s startin to function

There’s plenty of action

Where her legs make a junction

You got it licked cuz she’s startin to hunch

She’ll get her rocks from a juicy box lunch.

 

You keep on goin, it’s kicks just to chew

I doubt if she’ll kiss you after you’re through

You’re right in the groove an diggin it a bunch

Who wants to fuck

When you can eat a box lunch?

Hives

Sydney

Lest you think that Knees didn't have a sappy side, check out tonight's song. He usually aimed to be subversive but sometimes the sentimental seeped out.

SYDNEY

 

Written: North of Durango CO, circa 1965

 

One day Bob Amerman, Dwight Babcock and Knees went fishing up in Colorado. Knees had his guitar and wanted to write a song at the camp while the other two fished, and when Bob said he’d been wanting to write a love song for Sydney Little, his girlfriend, Knees volunteered to write the song for him. Unfortunately, the chords were too hard for Bob to play -- he was just beginning the guitar -- and he never sang it for Sydney. Bob died of cancer a year later. A decade or so ago I found Sydney online and sent her the song.

 

Oh Sydney,

Our love has lasted,

So let’s both look past it

And see what tomorrow will bring.

 

And don’t you see that Sydney,

Our love will grow stronger

Each day will grow longer

Than the day I gave you my ring.

 

The dreams that we shared will all come true

So never be scared long as I’m here with you.

 

And don’t you see that, Sydney,

The world is our highway

And when things turn out my way

You and I will have our day.

Conchoid

She's With Him

I'm going to inject in the sequence of Knees Calhoon songs an occasional oddball tune that may not have been written by Knees, but was recorded by Knees, and fits into the chronology. We're still in 1965, the year Knees graduated from high school and attended a semester of college at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces NM. And in early 1965 the Torques drove down to Albuquerque and recorded a 45 at John Wagner's studio. The A song was "She's With Him", written by Harry Batchelor (later known as Skip) and the B side was "She's the One" a song they heard on the radio by The Chartbusters, a one-hit wonder.

We bought 300 copies of the 45 and sold and gave them away, and up till a year or so ago I hadn't heard that version of the song since the 60s. Then a 45 collector from San Diego e-mailed me asking about a 45 he had just bought at a flea market for $1, on the Delta label by a group called The Torques. He made MP3s of it and sent them to me.

Yay! I finally had the song back. I had recorded my version of the song in 1993 when I did all of these recordings on the 4-track cassette. The collector even sent me a JPG of the 45 label.

Harry is doing the singing on the original version with Dwight Babcock on bass, Bob Amerman on drums and Knees on the guitar. The guitar lick that defines the song was written by John Wagner. Apparently we used to play the song with Harry and me just chugging along on barre chords. We knew so little about songwriting or recording back then.

SHE'S WITH HIM

(Knees Calhoon's 1993 version)

Here she comes alone

With him

Here she comes alone

With him

Now he's gonna take her hand

Very soon that girl will be the wife

Of that man.

Everything she does, she does

With him

I can tell she's in love

With him, whoa yeah,

I'm so sad I can cry,

Please tell me why oh why oh why

She's with him.

 SHE'S WITH HIM

(The Torques 1965 version)

 (Original Torques version, 1965)

 Harry (Skip) Batchelor, Bob Amerman, Dwight Babcock, Knees Calhoon

To hear the B side of the Torques 45, check out www.ramblehouse.com/Torques.htm

 

What Can You Do?

It's time for a non-threatening song and this one's quite innocuous. It was never played in a bar or heard by anyone until I recorded it back in 1993 or so. That's the charm of Knees Calhoon's Countdown to Terror -- you never know what you're gonna get. But you can count on one thing: the mix is the best there's ever been for these songs. It's doubtful that Knees will ever record them again.

The words, chords and melody were written back in 1965 but the arrangement and guitar parts were done in 1993 or so when I recorded all these songs on a Yamaha 4-track cassette deck. The guitars are my 1966 Gibson ES-335 of course. The drums were a Roland drum machine. The bass was my 1973 Fender Jazz bass. Any keyboards were a relatively cheap Casio keyboard.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Written: White Rocks Dorm, NMSU, Las Cruces NM, 1965

 

The White Rocks dorm was a relic of World War II occupation of the campus by excess soldiers from Fort Bliss. The dorm fee was $70 for the fall semester of 1965 for Knees and Dwight, the Torques bass player, and it was worth every penny. The building was torn down the next semester. Knees wrote this on his bunk, looking out the window at the dust, imagining he was writing a song the Byrds might sing.

Well she don’t have much money

But what I want she gets me

When I say let me do something

She don’t say no she lets me

But you, what can you do?

Her eyes are so inviting

When she asks me how I feel

Her hands know what they’re doin

Her love she can’t conceal

But you, what can you do?

You didn’t sympathize

Or try to disguise your lies

She lets the world go by

And it’s no wonder why she’s mine.

Chess Dump

The Shit-Fuck

As you will see, Knees Calhoon doesn't discriminate against songs just because they're stupid. And to be fair, someone had to address the tragic situation where a young man might not know when he is ejaculating. 

Flash-forward to July 2013: I found a decent drums/bass combo in Band in a Box and decided to redo this classic from 1965. I kept the same piano and guitar licks as the first version (but actually played better back in 1993). The main difference is the overabuse of the harmonizer by a pack of angry gorillas. I have no idea how they got into my pajamas.

THE SHIT-FUCK (1993 edition)


THE SHIT-FUCK (2013 edition)

Written: Monterey Street, Farmington NM, circa 1965

Back in 1965 there were a lot of songs introducing new dances and one day when the Torques were rehearsing Knees said, “Guys, we need to come up with a good name for a new dance so we can write a hit record about it.” Dwight the bass player immediately piped up, “The Shit-Fuck!” We shuddered to think what the dance would be like but this is the song that emerged.

Everybody’s doin it, doin it, doin it

Grabbin some ass an screwin it, screwin it

It don’t take long sonny if you’re strong

Let me show you how so you don’t do it wrong.

First you ease it in then in an out, in an out

It hurts so good

It makes you wanna jump n shout

She must have twelve inches

Cuz you’re in all the way

Now you know why the cocksmen say

Do the shit-fuck (in an out)

Do the shit-fuck (in an out)

Do the shit-fuck (in an out)

Do the shit-fuck (in an out)

When you feel your balls a-drummin

Sonny then you know you’re comin

Do the shit-fuck.

Atombook