Friday, June 1, 2012

Nocturnal Mission

When I said there's be no more raunchy tunes from Knees, I forgot about this one. More scatalogical than sexual, it could be played in bars -- and was. The cowboys would yell, "Hey, play that 'emission' song."

 
Written: Alpine Street, Huntsville AL, spring 1968

Knees spent the year 1968 at Redstone Arsenal in Huntsville AL and at the time he wrote this song was living with some buddies off-base. It was loosely inspired by the Walter Jenkins affair, a Johnson-era sex scandal that—as Knees remembers it—involved gay solicitation in government restrooms with hidden cameras. Nowadays it would trigger two years of Congressional investigation. Back then it blew over quickly—except for Knees’ rap anthem commemorating the incident. It wasn’t called “rap” back then; it was called crummy one-chord crap. Still, it was popular in the bars.


Well Ah was sittin inna station
Jus a-waitin fo de bus
When a strange kinda thundah
Cum a-rumblin fum mah guts
Mah eyeballs started rollin
An mah mouf filled fulla spit
Ah knew inna flash
Dat Ah had to take a shit.

Ah hopped upon mah feet
A-lookin fo de loo
Ah saw a coupla signs
But dey was tres ambigue
One of dem said “manager”
Dat didn’t sound like me
De other one say Ladies
An dere’d be a ten-cent fee.

Ah stood dere lookin stoopid
Till de thundah cleared mah thoughts
Ah mean whut de hell’s de difference
When youse got de screamin trots?
So Ah grabbed me mah las dime
An Ah flung it in de slot
Scampered through de doorway
An took de nearest pot.

Ah hadn’t seen no ladies
Or heard no lady shreiks
So Ah was feelin kinda peaceful
Just a-restin on mah cheeks
When Ah hear de door swing open
An some highheels echo in
Dey take de stall right next to mine
Much to mah chagrin.

Ah decided Ah’d wait her out
After a coupla false starts
Ah leaned back on de crapper
An ripped offa coupla farts
Man what a bummer
Ah thought pissed off complete
When Ah feels dis weird scrabblin
On de toppa mah feet.

Ah kinda leaned forward
To get a better view
When Ah saw dis chick’s toes
A-diddlin wif mah shoe
Den Ah started wondrin
Jus whut she thinks Ah am
Wif her toes on mah ankle
A-nibblin like a clam
Nibblenibblenibblenibble
Nibblenibblenibblenibble
Nibblenibblenibblenibble
Nibblenibblenibblenibble

Ah figured whut de hell,
De chick she mus be Sapphic
Well shit Ah’ll do anything
As long’s it’s pornographic
When mah door flies open
Dere’s a man, big, obese
Badge an gun say CIA
Man say “Yo disturbin mah peace!”

Coins

The CALHOON BROTHERS LIVE VERSION
(Sometime in the late 70s at the Las Cruces Inn, Las Cruces NM)

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