When I said there's be no more raunchy tunes from Knees, I forgot about this one. More scatological than sexual, it could be played in bars -- and was. The cowboys would yell, "Hey, play that 'emission' song."
Written: Alpine Street,
Huntsville AL, spring 1968
Knees spent the year
1968 at Redstone Arsenal in Huntsville AL and at the time he wrote this song was
living with some buddies off-base. It was loosely inspired by the Walter Jenkins
affair, a Johnson-era sex scandal that—as Knees remembers it—involved gay
solicitation in restrooms with hidden cameras. Nowadays it would
trigger two years of Congressional investigation. Back then it blew over
quickly—except for Knees’ rap anthem commemorating the incident.
And by the way, I recently read a book of recordings of Lyndon Johnson's phone calls and from what I can tell Walter Jenkins was one of the most efficient and honorable men to ever serve a president.
Well Ah was sittin inna
station
Jus a-waitin fo de bus
When a strange kinda
thundah
Cum a-rumblin fum mah
guts
Mah eyeballs started
rollin
An mah mouf filled
fulla spit
Ah knew inna flash
Dat Ah had to take a
shit.
Ah hopped upon mah feet
A-lookin fo de loo
Ah saw a coupla signs
But dey was tres
ambigue
One of dem said
“manager”
Dat didn’t sound like
me
De other one say Ladies
An dere’d be a ten-cent
fee.
Ah stood dere lookin
stoopid
Till de thundah cleared
mah thoughts
Ah mean whut de hell’s
de difference
When youse got de
screamin trots?
So Ah grabbed me mah
las dime
An Ah flung it in de
slot
Scampered through de
doorway
An took de nearest pot.
Ah hadn’t seen no
ladies
Or heard no lady
shreiks
So Ah was feelin kinda
peaceful
Just a-restin on mah
cheeks
When Ah hear de door
swing open
An some highheels echo
in
Dey take de stall right
next to mine
Much to mah chagrin.
Ah decided Ah’d wait
her out
After a coupla false
starts
Ah leaned back on de
crapper
An ripped offa coupla
farts
Man what a bummer
Ah thought pissed off
complete
When Ah feels dis weird
scrabblin
On de toppa mah feet.
Ah kinda leaned forward
To get a better view
When Ah saw dis chick’s
toes
A-diddlin wif mah shoe
Den Ah started wondrin
Jus whut she thinks Ah
am
Wif her toes on mah
ankle
A-nibblin like a clam
Nibblenibblenibblenibble
Nibblenibblenibblenibble
Nibblenibblenibblenibble
Nibblenibblenibblenibble
Ah figured whut de
hell,
De chick she mus be
Sapphic
Well shit Ah’ll do
anything
As long’s it’s
pornographic
When mah door flies
open
Dere’s a man, big,
obese
Badge an gun say CIA
Man say “Yo disturbin
mah peace!”
Coins
The CALHOON BROTHERS LIVE VERSION
(Sometime in the late 70s at the Las Cruces Inn, Las Cruces NM)
